So many thoughts and feelings about this aging fleshbag. A ..
Added 2021-01-26 17:36:44 +0000 UTCSo many thoughts and feelings about this aging fleshbag. A lot of gratitude for her too. I ask a lot of her and she always shows up for me. I wish I could say I always showed up for her. Our relationship is getting better. You’re a part of that. Once upon a time she was my greatest nemesis. I want to know her as my friend, my teacher, my home. Learning to love living and functioning in my very specific fleshbag had been the thing I’ve worked the hardest at. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome - a connective tissue disorder that affects my joints, collagen and stability both physically and mentally. I am likely on some sort of spectrum - assuming Autism but no paperwork to prove it. But I know my mind and way are hyper-specific to me and my sensitivities. And I seem to attract similar humans. I dance with depression daily. There has been a decent amount of suicide in my immediate circle and subconscious thoughts. I reach out into farther, darker corners because I’ve always operated from them. 4 grams of mushrooms and thinking about death is a comfortable afternoon for me, but Costco really fucks me up. I have finally hit the 2020 wall where all my previous sources of income have died. I am only here now - exploring this why. The one I was always supposed to and too afraid to get closer to. I appreciate your support. I want you to be here. And I want to know about you. Strangers have never appealed. I’m here to give you permission to be weird. I’ll go first.
